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How To Stop Being Miserable and Focus On The Good

This one is going to be quick today - because I'm about to go treat myself for all of my hard work this week - maybe take in comedy show, maybe a chick flick, maybe go out for some sushi - who knows? The world is my oyster.

Recently I have been gearing up to launch something pretty exciting that I've been spending a lot of time on. And while I know good things take time, I can be a bit impatient when I have an exciting idea I want to share with my clients, my tribe or with the world. So I found myself focusing more on my frustrations, my challenges and the little hiccups in the road, versus the incredible opportunities and all of the amazingness I have going on in my life. Which sparked the topic of this little blog post which was, how to take yourself out of a negative state and shift your mindset to focus on the good. It's a constant practice and something I certainly need a reminder to come back to, almost every single day.  

To provide you with a bit of context, I am just finishing off an amazing week or two of traveling. I was in San Francisco biking the Golden Gate Bridge and eating all of the best food in various cute neighbourhoods with a bestie, taking in an incredible day of inspiration and learning with my coaching academy, took a red-eye flight immediately afterwards to catch a powerful seminar with my coaching family who is comprised of various health care practitioners who - regardless of their job, background and clientele - all travel from around the world four times a year for these quarterly seminars to join an incredible group of people focusing on going above and beyond their industry standards to help make an even deeper impact in the lives of their clients/patients. So, to say that I have had a pretty gratitude-filled week would be quite the understatement.

But sometimes things don't always happen how you want, when you want them. Take for example, this project I am working on. Since I am a bit technology challenged, I have been taking a bit more time than anticipated to get this project into the world. And I caught myself starting to feel a bit anxious, stressed and frustrated that things weren't going to plan based on my original timeline. 

So I did what I always do when I begin to feel stressed, frustrated or overwhelmed with anything in life, I head to the gym and get in a good work-out while listening to a podcast to help clear my mind and provide some inspiration. And as always, it worked.

This time, I came across a powerful video from Tony Robbins on the topic of focus, and how it's required to change your state - so I wanted to provide my biggest takeaways and what resonated most, with me. 

The most powerful takeaway was this: If we are in a miserable state of mind, that means we are strictly focusing on all of the miserable things in our life at that very moment and literally erasing all of the good in our lives. So the key to overcoming those feelings was simple: control and direct the focus of your mind on something good. There are two things that effect your emotional state and the first is what you are physically feeling - how your body is feeling due to injury, fuelling it with crappy food, not getting enough sleep, etc. The second is not only what you are paying attention to, but how you are paying attention to it, in this specific moment. Take my current situation - for example, for the past couple of days, I found myself focusing only on what wasn't going right in my life, which was a direct result of me erasing the immense feelings of gratitude I had from my travels, spending time with like-minded and inspiring people from around the world, beautiful weather, nature, delicious food and that I actually have the opportunity to travel for work and sit in coffee shops all day fuelling my creativity, writing and learning how I can better serve and empower my clients. Both situations were reality, but I made a decision (whether conscious or not) to focus on the bad instead of all of the good. 

I realized that we have the ability to change our current mental state based on what we choose to focus on or pay attention to.  

So instead of focusing on (in this specific moment) how you are undervalued, under paid, or under appreciated at your job, or that things aren't going well with your partner because they don't hear or understand you, or perhaps you just got a speeding ticket which will only contribute to your lack of funds that cause you stress on a daily basis and whatever else you that is currently happening in your life that puts you in a foul mood, there are a couple of tactics that will allow you to change your focus. The universe gives you what you put out into the world. So if you are constantly asking yourself questions like, "Why am I so fat? Why does everyone hate me? Why can't I ever do anything right? Why can't I get the promotion or raise that I want in my life? Why can't I ever get a good, honest and trust-worthy partner?" The universe begins searching for reasons to confirm your belief system of yourself and the world around you.

So this week, focus on a few new tactics that will remind you of the good in your life, instead of the crap that you subconsciously create for yourself.

1.) Put out into the world what you want to receive. The universe provides you with what you put out into the world. If you want people to be more kind, more compassionate, more giving towards you, then set aside your crappy feelings or your down-state physiology you find yourself in at the moment, and go provide the people around you with more kindness,  compassion and giving, yourself. You will get more of whatever it is, you put out into the world. 

2.) Treat yourself and your body how you want the world to treat you. Often, when you feel down, frustrated or sorry for yourself, (and I'm certainly guilt of this at times) all you feel like doing is curling up in sweats, ordering takeout and turning on several episodes of whatever show you are binge watching at the moment. While that is totally fine on occasion, the best thing we can do for ourselves in get active and properly nourish our bodies. How you treat yourself is how people will treat you. So if you want good to come to you, you need to hold yourself to a higher standard of how you treat yourself. Which can include better nutrition, exercise, sleep and knowledge. 

3.) Ask yourself the right questions every morning. People have told me, "Happiness is a choice! If you just smile and choose to be happy, you will be!" I think that's b.s. While "choosing" to be happy is all well and good, if you just plaster a smile on your face when you are absolutely miserable, stressed and frustrated on the inside, people around you will pick up on it. A forced smile and positivity isn't genuine, so the kicker is being able to put yourself into a positive state by focusing on gratitude so that smile is genuine. Circling back to the questions we ask ourselves and that the universe delivers, ask questions that will have you focus on the good stuff instead of the bad. (I would encourage you to do this every single morning so you start out your day with the right mindset) So, for example, instead of asking questions like, "Why am I so fat? Why can't I get that promotion? What does she have, that I don't? Why does this always happen to me?" Instead ask the questions, "What can I do today to get me closer to my goals? What can I do to establish a stronger connection with my family members, friends or partner? What can I do to feel healthier and be more active? What can I do to serve others at a higher level?" You will naturally go to a place of endless opportunities and resources that will allow you to make the changes you want, versus focusing (and subconsciously inviting) more negativity into your life. 

Hopefully this post will help you focus a bit more on all of the amazing things going on in your life and at the very least, the incredible opportunities and resources you have to make those amazing things happen. 

Did you like this post? If so, please share with your friends or comment below! And if you need a little extra guidance on how to develop a deeper sense of self-compassion and self-worth so you can be in a (near-constant) state of positivity and gratitude, that's what my work is all about! Head on over here to learn about the work that I do with clients.