Recently, someone very near and dear to me approached me with a difficult conversation that was causing her to feel both uncomfortable and anxious. She was dreading having it with me and had been avoiding it for years. She thought I might be upset or offended. She thought it would destroy our friendship. She was actually sweating when she brought it up. Her voice wavered. Her hands shook.
I surprised her with my response (so much so, she started crying with tears of relief!) I gave her a big hug. I was pumped up that she gave herself permission to speak her truth. I was in awe of her courage and bravery to be vulnerable - when she was clearly so terrified about sharing with me what is was she wanted to share.
In fact, we decided to get ice cream to celebrate how difficult that conversation must have been to broach. And our relationship is now even stronger because of what she shared.
I can't imagine how much energy and personal power she had squandered by allowing this secret to consume her. But we are all guilty of avoiding having difficult and uncomfortable conversations out of fear that we might offend, lose relationships, get fired or rock the boat.
Do any of these sound familiar to you?
- You lack support from your partner at home, or sometimes you don't always feel appreciated or valued
- You have in-laws or family members that are encouraging or pressuring you to do something that doesn't feel right - whether that's settle in a relationship, buy a home, start having children or to "play it safe" instead of trying a new career
- You have a close friend who doesn't support you, the "new" you, or a new trajectory you're taking in your life. Even worse, they may have even criticized, judged or laughed at you because of it.
- You may find yourself in a relationship or career that you once thought was right for you, but something inside of you has shifted, you aren't the same person that you once were, you want different things, but you don't don't want to hurt your current partner or let down your employer or colleagues
- You may feel burnt-out, overwhelmed, overworked and undervalued in your place of employment, but the idea of speaking up and asking for help brings on intense waves of anxiety. You think asking for support will make you look weak and incompetent
- You may have made an error of judgment in a relationships. You were disrespectful, disloyal or said something you regret.
And if you haven't yet realized it, the reason we fail to speak up in each of these situations is because we are operating out of a place of fear.
- Fear that we're not enough.
- Fear that we might come across as lazy, useless or incompetent.
- Fear that we might anger our partner and they might leave us and we'll end up alone.
- Fear that we'll rock the boat, offend our family members or in-laws, and it will forever feel awkward, awful and resentful at family gatherings.
What we sometimes aren't aware of however, is that by not speaking up, refusing to voice our opinion, or preventing ourselves from standing in our truth - we actually are giving our power away to that person or situation.
We are training our subconscious mind to believe we aren't worthy or deserving of being heard.
And every single time we hold back, whether it's in a relationship with a family member, friend or significant other, whether it's at work with a colleague, client or employer, or if we feel disrespected or offended by a complete stranger- we are actually telling ourselves (and the people around us) that we aren't worthy of having a voice.
And slowly something inside of us starts to shift.
We become less outspoken, more quiet, more reserved, and more held back.
We start to lose our confidence
We ultimately give away our power.
So I created a video to help remind you why it's so important to have the difficult conversation you've most been avoiding.
In this video, you'll learn:
- Some of the ways we give away our power
- Why we hold ourselves back from having those conversations
- Why the conversation you've been avoiding is the exact conversation that you should be having
- And three reasons why it's so incredibly important that you do so
As as always, if you liked this video or know of someone who could benefit from hearing it, then please share! And if you are curious how working with a coach can help you stop giving away your power, navigate through those difficult and uncomfortable conversations and regain your confidence, I offer a free 30 minute clarity call to see if we are a good fit!