My story: (The Long Version)

I was an existential kid from a young age, instilled with a hunger for truth as far back as I can remember - which I largely attribute to being raised by a Jesus-loving Catholic father and a buddhist/sufi-practicing mother: both pursuing an omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient God, but it took on two different forms. At the ripe young age of 3 I exclaimed, “There’s a whole world of more out there, and I’m going to find it!” At the age of 4 - while I was starring longingly out the window with my dog - I stated, “She’s looking to freedom! Oh I know you don’t know what I mean, I hardly know what I mean myself!” By the age of 5, I distinctly remember wondering why I was “here.” There already existed a desire to know my purpose, have a sense of meaning, and to understand why I was created (ultimately, all questions that only the One who created us could ever answer). Knowing what I know now, I believe God had been pursuing me from a young age and inviting me into the expansive, awe-inspiring, and glorious reality of our existence when we are in relationship with him. While He was both patient and relentless in His pursuit for me, it would be another three decades before I answered His call.

Incapable of discovering how to fill (much less articulate or even understand) the empty void I felt, I sought to fill it through external circumstances which played out in the form of unhealthy relationships, career achievements, and an alcohol dependancy; which often resulted in various decisions that led to never-ending spirals of guilt, shame, and regret (a natural outcome when we live a life separated from God). On the surface I appeared confident and successful: I was managing multi-million dollar corporate partnership contracts in professional football, being approached by sports teams and leagues in two different countries, and was a recipient of the top 5 under 25 to watch in the sports business industry across Canada. By my own definition of success I should have been the happiest camper around, and yet, regardless of how many achievements, accomplishments, or seemingly successful milestones I hit, I would experience a quick burst of temporary fulfillment before quickly going back to the unhappy and unfulfilled state that I was in before. By the age of 24 my health was deteriorating at a rapid rate, I had heart monitors strapped to my chest to monitor the severe anxiety attacks I experienced on a daily basis, and I began spiralling into a deep depression. While I didn’t know whether or not a god existed, I described my existence as feeling “spiritually dead inside”.

I reached a breaking point when I collapsed in a yoga studio and I began vomiting, shaking, and sobbing uncontrollably, as the reality dawned on me that if I continued on this trajectory of apparent “success” in life, I wouldn’t make it past the age of 30. So my approach shifted, and I began to think that perhaps my value, purpose and meaning for existence must lie in a purpose-driven vocation that was in service to others, and that if I could contribute to making the world a better place, then I’d matter, have purpose, and perhaps then I would discover that ever-elusive state of happiness and significance we all seek. So I did just that. I obtained a coaching certification, launched my business, and began to support people from all over the world who - like me - felt like there was so much more to life than what they were currently experiencing. I supported individuals from a wide range of backgrounds, vocations, and lived experiences; from entrepreneurs, to business owners, c-suite executives and CEOs. I supported caregivers and stay-at-home mothers, professional athletes, fitness models, social justice advocates, and girls in their teens to adults in their 60s. Regardless of the age, stage, or background, I saw incredibly gifted, deeply compassionate, wildly loving, and powerful-beyond-their-own-understanding individuals who were simply unable to see themselves clearly. They were unaware, or never taught the truth of who they were, or who they were created to be. Over time, I began to realize that at the root of this separation from their true and powerful identity - at its core - lay the heaviest and most disempowering emotions of guilt and shame.

I researched it, spoke on it, and taught what I believed - at the time - was “the way” to release these oppressive emotions. And yet, despite nearly a decade’s worth of investing in my own education, coaching certifications, various leadership trainings and programs, and experiencing various levels of breakthrough in both the lives of those I supported and my own, it always felt like something was missing… as if every tool or technique that existed was a temporary solution. I became increasingly weary and dissatisfied with the self-help industry, eventually turning to many religions and spiritual texts for the answer. I was convinced that shame was - at its root - a spiritual crisis. I explored various philosophical teachings, worked with spiritual mentors, and studied human consciousness. I began to grow even more desperate in my search for a god figure through any/every resource I could find… every form of spirituality except for Christianity.

Then late in 2023, my depression returned, and I remained sick in bed for several weeks without the energy or motivation to get out of bed other than to grab the food delivery bag from the doorstep and to let my dog outside. Life, once again, felt empty and meaningless. Things that had - in the past - temporarily filled that empty void (relationships, alcohol, material possessions, financial success, and external validation) no longer offered any relief. The void I sought to fill only felt more hollow, like its emptiness was somehow getting louder and louder, increasingly more impossible to ignore. Regardless of how desperately hard I had tried, my attempts at finding success, happiness, joy, and purpose in life weren’t working.

I finally resorted to the one person, the one supposed “God” that I hadn’t tried, the one I was vehemently opposed to believing in. I got on my knees, and the tears from the grief and overwhelming exhaustion from years of existential questioning, striving, and attempting to prove myself flooded down my face as I said the simple words, “Jesus, if you’re actually a thing, if you’re real, I need you to show up.” I told him he could have everything: My relationships, my money, my beautiful sanctuary of a home on a beautiful island I had worked so hard for. I offered him my pride, my material possessions, and my business I had spent nearly a decade building. In that moment I surrendered everything to him. I told him he could have it all if he just showed up.

And then.. He did.

…and everything changed.

Words often fail me when I attempt to describe that moment; that split second in time in which I was flooded with such an expansive, awe-invoking, and all-consuming depth of love that I had never before experienced, didn’t know was possible, and will likely never be able to adequately explain. While every other religious teaching and learning was understood at merely an intellectual level, this was a visceral, full body experience. It was a deep and undeniable knowing within me that radiated through my mind, my heart, and my soul simultaneously, in which I suddenly knew within every fibre of my being that He was, and is, and always will be, the Way, the Truth, and the Life. I knew that - from that moment - nothing would ever be the same, that my life would be forever changed, and that there was no going back to the life that I was living prior to that moment. The most accurate way to explain it was like the scene from the television series The Chosen, when Mary says, “I was one way, and now I am completely different. And the thing that happened in between was Him.” In the midst of this moment I fell to my knees and I choked out the words between sobs “Jesus, are you the one I’ve spent my whole life searching for?”

Following this life-altering encounter, I finally picked up the bible, the very book I had criticized, judged, and refused to believe in for years, and I realized that this was the Truth I had been seeking. I desperately consumed every word, every page, every promise. I felt as though I was being fed after feeling spiritually starved for decades. Due to this newfound and reverential love of His Word, I knew I needed the type of spiritual teachings, mentorship, and guidance, that would support the work and life that God was calling me into. Within a few months, I sold all of my possessions, packed up my car, and my whoodle Molly and I eventually made our way down to California where I found myself enrolling into a ministry school (the very last sentence that I ever thought would come out of my mouth). I found myself in a classroom with hundreds of other individuals who - like me - had an absolute and reverential love for God, and who had given up everything in their lives to live according to His will. I was learning from teachers, leaders, and pastors who had taught thousands of students from across the globe how to hear the voice of God, how to deepen their relationship with Him, and how to learn and walk out their true and powerful identities in whatever sphere of influence God had called them. I spent the year obsessively and hungrily consuming the Word of God, line by line, from cover to cover, feverishly taking notes, documenting, categorizing, cross-referencing, and soaking in the truth of God’s nature, His character, His promises, His goodness, and who He created us to be. I began to understand my identity through His eyes, and not the one cloaked in the guilt, shame, fear, and regret from my past.

I began experiencing a heightened state of His presence, a level of peace and joy I had never before experienced, and my life suddenly had a new level meaning and purpose that I had always longed for. It became crystal clear why no amount of money, material possessions, alcohol, entertainment, promotions, likes on social media, or relationships would fill the that familiar void I had experienced for decades - a void that only a personal relationship with God, could fill. It is only from that source of unconquerable, undefeatable, and unconditional selfless love, will everything else in our lives begin to change, and my life is living proof.

I knew then, that I would spend the rest of my life teaching others of God’s true nature, His goodness, and that He was, is, and always will be the only true and lasting source of healing shame.

I would spend my lifetime helping people to discover, deepen, and protect the most important and fulfilling relationship we were created to experience, to know true and lasting freedom from the guilt, shame and fear that attempts to destroy our God-given callings, and to become more deeply aware of the expansive, awe-inspiring, and glorious reality of our existence when we are in relationship with Him. It is only when we understand and are rooted in our true God-given identity, can we begin to experience the life and love for which we were created.

I’m here to help those that feel lost, the ones who are searching, the ones who have been hurt, shamed, or shunned by religion. I’m here for the ones who were never told, who misunderstood, or who have yet to see the goodness of God because of those who modelled hatred, violence, corruption, and abuse under the guise of “being in service to Jesus”. I’m here to help those who are in search for greater meaning, significance, and the ever-elusive state of joy that has always felt just out of reach, and for those who feel helpless, hopeless, or disappointed with how life has unfolded. My work exists for those who perhaps have grown stagnant or complacent in their walk with God, to those who are acutely aware that something significant is missing from their existence, but they feel lost, confused, and uncertain with where and how to begin, for those that want to believe… they just don’t know how.

If that’s you, then welcome. I am profoundly grateful and deeply honoured that you’re here.

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